We sat surrounded by friends and family.
“And their ages?” she asked. Her eyes widened as I answered, from age four to 15. “And how many?” Five. She remarked that I looked good for having had five children. “You homeschool them all?”
Later, as she lifted her glass of sweet tea, the question came. One I’d been asked before. Just not recently.
“So, are your children socialized?”
I looked at her with understanding. We homeschoolers are a curiosity. People wonder what we do. She doesn’t know that there are really only two weekdays we are home for the majority of the day. So I took the easy route and gave her the immediate answer. Yes. We are members of a homeschool group made up of 65 families. We go to the park most every week to play with children of all ages.
Yes…yes, ma’am, I know about co-ops. And yes, we really are homeschooling high school. Yes, really. And so far, it is going very well. It’s continuing education for me, I admitted. I’m always learning. Looking to see how best these children of mine learn. And this year, the responsibility has spread. Because, high school is not only the focus. A ready preschooler and first grader are stretching my mama – teacher abilities as well.
“Well, if you can do it on your own, I think that is a great thing,” she said.
And we moved on to dessert. But there’s so much more to it, I thought to myself. Does she know how blessed I am? There’s really no way for her to know the true richness of our days – being a referee between siblings, picking up the puzzle pieces, rinsing that stack of dishes in the sink, reading that book one more time, having that conversation with my young adult…
Dear long time friend of the family, yes. My children are socialized. I couldn’t give you a full peek into my day to prove this to you. But I can share some snippets. Those that blaze through my mind right now. Socialized. Hmmm.
1 [ no obj. ] mix socially with others: he didn’t mind socializing with his staff.
2 [ with obj. ] make (someone) behave in a way that is acceptable to their society: newcomers are socialized into orthodox ways | (as adj. socializing) : a socializing
My youngest children, ages four and six, they rise each day shortly after me. They sit with me on the couch while I finish up my quiet time. They hop down and go play together. Yesterday morning they argued over a new stuffed animal. Each wanted to play with it. They had to work it out. We talked about the screaming. We talk about kind and necessary. They ask forgiveness of each other.
My older ones, they get little breaks in their school days. Bend down low and play with their younger siblings. The swinging sisters, I call them, they head to the backyard. They swing and they sing together. Eight years apart in age and they long to have this time. Older ones daily learn patience with the little ones. Little ones daily look up to big ones.
Do you see? Each of my children. They are not with children their own age during school hours. But they are with four other children of various ages. They get a chance to engage in socializing on all kinds of age levels. Daily.
We are part of a wonderful fellowship of believers. Each week each of my children learn with other children in their age bracket – in Bible study. They also participate in discipleship, mission friends, children’s choir, puppets. Several times throughout the year they perform for a packed sanctuary of people.
My eldest? She’s a part of the youth group at church. She’s on the lead team there. This means it is her job, her calling to be purposeful in making others in her age range feel welcome at church activities – from sixth graders up to 12th graders. It’s her job to welcome fellow young adults.
Guess what? My grandmother lives just 20 minutes from us! We get to visit with her. We long to go to Mama Ann’s house and play. Some of our best memories are built while we run through her yard, get muddy in her creek. And then we sit and listen to her tell of that steamy August day that she and my grandfather were married.
Two of my girls, they are part of a Christian drama troupe. The goal of this troupe is to glorify God. Young people, ages 7 up to 17, devote hours to performing a play with His message. They have to work together – improv. All 40 students led by Godly parents who have completely volunteered their time.
Each of my children? they are gifted and unique. As all children are. Often I wonder how each of my five could possibly be so very different. I have boisterous, outgoing children who boldly ask adults scientific questions. Sometimes a bit too boldly. We’re working on that. I also have shy ones. These shy ones have slowly made progress with eye contact, have regular practice speaking to adults. Stepping out in comfortable yet slightly more uncomfortable social situations. Building confidence upon confidence.
You see, we are concerned with the hearts of our children. The whole picture. A firm foundation. Socialization, as you refer to it, is not our goal. Yes, we practice manners. Yes, my children have long-time childhood friends outside the family. But there is a bigger picture. When we drop them at that Sunday School door…send them off for that event… we whisper in their ear, shine for Jesus.
As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Psalm 127:4
But even more importantly, I don’t do it on my own. See, I partner with my husband. He heads up our homeschool. Our family. He makes sure things are running smoothly. He pulls the microscope out on the weekends with the big kids. He reads Leading Little Ones to God on weeknights. He sends the text to ask, “how is it going today?”
Ultimately, though, what I didn’t tell you is that daily I am leaning on the everlasting arms. It’s not easy but the joy of the Lord is my strength. With God all things are possible. If our children know this then they will long to ‘mix socially with others.’ That good news in their hearts? They can’t help themselves – they will want to tell you.
Then the question that really gets my homeschool hackles standing on end. It comes. She asks,
“Do you ever regret this decision? Your decision to homeschool?”
I suppose I could react poorly. Wonder if anyone ever asks a similar question of another parent? Do you ever regret your decision to send your child to school? But I wonder if she knows how it feels to be seeking His will.
Instead, I smile and look right at her. Can she see my Mama heart? I sure hope she can. Dear long-time friend of the family… “We are not without our days. Those tough days. But no. I have never regretted it. I would never exchange the time I’ve had with my children. To invest in their lives. Scoop them up. Not to mention the individualized education we are able to offer. We know how best our children learn and we are often adjusting to do the very best job.”
They are arrows. Each of these children. We’re sharpening. And we aim to shoot straight. For each child has a purpose.
And am I concerned with socialization? Well… maybe I pause when you ask. But ultimately, dear long-time friend of the family…
…I haven’t really even touched the surface with my answer to you.
I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. 3 John 1:4
About Hodgepodgemom
Tricia — I just love this: “They are arrows. Each of these children. We’re sharpening. And we aim to shoot straight. For each child has a purpose.”
This post is beautiful and yes, it’s so hard to fully explain it, isn’t it? It’s just a huge blessing that we can’t always put into words.
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This is beautiful! i love how you shared your heart! Hugs, my fellow homeschooling Mom =-)
Tricia, you have touched my heart with this post! It exactly describes how I feel about this glorious opportunity the Lord has provided for us to homeschool our children. I wouldn’t trade a day of this journey for anything!
Thanks for writing this. It has given me the encouragement I needed today!
Tricia–what a beautiful post. “Ultimately, though, what I didn’t tell you is that daily I am leaning on the everlasting arms. It’s not easy but the joy of the Lord is my strength. With God all things are possible. If our children know this then they will long to ‘mix socially with others.’ That good news in their hearts? They can’t help themselves – they will want to tell you.” What better example and lesson for our children to learn–math may never be their forte, spelling may be a struggle, but for them to have God in their hearts, that’s the “schooling” lessons that matter most. Love your photos too–they say so much too.
Thank you, each one of you. I guess what I’ve finally come to realize is that folks are just simply curious about our homeschooling ways. It’s not really a personal assault on my parenting. They just want to know more.
Wonderful article and very encouraging as I raise my two boys and homeschool them (this is my third year). May other people learn more about homeschooling and how beautiful and wonderful it truly is.
Beautiful! Thanks for sharing. Your pictures always enhance your posts so well.
Thank you Kim… I do love to take pictures – especially of these favorite subjects
Hodgepodgemom recently posted..Homeschool Enrichment
Thank you. Reading this brought a smile to my face.
: )
Crazy as it sounds….I think many people who ask this question honestly don’t get how we could spend all day every day with our children and love it. They don’t have any idea how deep our relationships are with our children and how strong the bonds are between siblings who are raised in this style of living and schooling. It simply seems impossible that it could work to those that haven’t experienced it.
I told you to post this post….it is needed, even if it just helps you hone your own feelings. Thanks Tricia.
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Thank you for all your sweet support Barb! This post definitely helped me hone my own feelings. And, sadly, yes, I think there are those that don’t understand how we could spend all day with our children and love it and as you said, how strong the bonds between siblings are. As I always say, we certainly have our tough days. But that’s the refining by fire.
As a mom who has had to make the agonizing decision to send my kids back to public school, your article made me cry. Oh, how precious are those moments of sibling rivalry and then forgiveness. How I miss my children being around me and learning throughout our days. Hold onto the precious gift of homeschooling! You are a blessed woman!
Under the same wing,
Joleen
Joleen – thank you and hugs. I do pray that everyone reading this will know that I know not everyone can or wants to homeschool. I have dear friends and close family members who work in the public school arena. These I speak of are truly called to their positions. They minister in a mighty way there. And for that I am so grateful.
And, yes, I am so very grateful and blessed.
So beautiful. Yes, we are a curiosity. More than that….I do believe homeschooling causes fear in some…a fear of looking too deep, a fear of wanting, but afraid to try because…it is hard, it does require so much more than we can truly give of ourselves…it takes the power of the one you lean upon…the one we all lean upon…. You are a blessing…to share this so loving…without judgement, without a negative reaction. People are afraid to ask…because of fear of rejection or what they may learn…..it’s not for us to judge, but to love….and you do that well and you are teaching me well. Thank you!
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You are right Rebecca…thank you for your loving words and encouragement.
Beautifully written Tricia. This is my favorite part, “They are arrows. Each of these children. We’re sharpening. And we aim to shoot straight. For each child has a purpose.” As a single Mom who is struggling right now because I am laid off I KNOW this is what God wants me to do. To homeschool this beautiful, wonderful child that I have been given. It is so hard to understand to people who do not homeschool. It is hard to make them understand how truly blessed we all feel.
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Thank you so much for this encouraging post. I was in tears by the end. I think the Lord used your words today (I found your article through pinterest) to shore me up in my homeschool momma’s journey. You are a blessing. Thank you.
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Homeschooling hugs to you Holly. He indeed does shore us up, doesn’t He? Thank you for your sweet comment.
This is my new favorite post. You said it all so well, and so gently. I think too often we (homeschooling moms) can easily veer into condemning thoughts of those who don’t understand our calling. But you said everything without backing down from your convictions, yet with love and patience. You touched on all the practicalities, yet emphasized the real heart of the matter.
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.
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Jamie – what a blessing you are to me, friend. You said it so well. We can sometimes be immediately defensive in our reaction to those that don’t understand our calling. Thank you.
So very glad that you posted on this today! Homeschooling is a FAMILY journey, and Mama, you drive a wonderful bus for all involved…I was not a believer at first, but have “Put on my armor” a few times in defense of homeschooling. There are great, wonderful benefits to be had for students that are schooled in the home, and who, I ask, is a better natural teacher than a child’s parent? So very, very proud of you all!
Forever,
N.
Love you Nana!! So grateful to you for all the love you have shared, grown, placed and continue to give – to our lives.
Uplifting, encouraging. A model of response for homeschool Mamas all around. Well done, Tricia…thank you for posting and sharing!
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Fabulous post, Tricia!
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Thanks for sharing! It was wonderful!!
Love it, Tricia! I never get the socialization questions any more. There are so many more homeschooling families nowadays that most people “get” it. I guess I should say pretend to get it!
But at least they understand that socialization just isn’t an issue any longer. If it ever was….
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After having several frustrating homeschooling days in the past couple of weeks, this article lifted my spirits. This is my first official year of doing this for kindergarten (although we have done some “schooling” during the younger years) and I have no idea if we will do this for future years. I just know that it is the right thing to do right now. Those of you who have done this for many years for many age/grade levels have my respect!
I just found this post through Pinterest and this is so beautiful! What a wonderful and gracious response!
This is our third year of homeschooling, and we have faced challenges and opposition, as well as simple curiosity, and it can be difficult not to respond defensively. I know that this is the life God has called our family to, and I feel so blessed! Thank you so much and God bless!
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You’re doing a wonderful job. God is so faithful. Homeschooling is a magnificent journey. It’s not easy but it is a worthwhile adventure. If people only knew….
homeschooling ….family…..learning…..oh so different and hard to picture and for some to understand…especially those who don’t have children….loved learning about it…
This is our first year officially homeschooling all 5 of our children (ages 2, 4, 6, 8 and 10) and I LOVE being with them and watching them learn and grow together. This post is so encouraging and uplifting! I have family members who will ask how we intend to socialize our children….as if our children never leave home. I know they are just curious and they don’t understand what a blessing it is to be able to be with my children all day every day. Yes, it is extremely hard at times but I know this is God’s plan for our family, and HE is my strength. Thanks so much for sharing and God bless you and your family
Thank you! We are very new on this home schooling journey (my oldest is 5), but already people question why I would want to home school, how I will prevent them from being weird, home schooled kids, and so on. So far it has done nothing more then frustrate me. I hope I can learn to respond with such eloquence.
Here is another online definition for socialization. I don’t most people would want this if they knew:
1.
a continuing process whereby an individual acquires a personal identity and learns the norms, values, behavior, and social skills appropriate to his or her social position.
2.
the act or process of making socialistic: the socialization of industry.
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A beautiful and humble response, very gently put. Your mummy heart shines!
Why thank you Claire!
I think people often don’t realize what they are saying when they ask, “What about socialization.” It’s got to be the most annoying (and ridiculous) question. Why aren’t they worried about academics? I never get asked about that!
Thanks for sharing. You have a delightful blog!